You'll Believe a Man Can Suck

The real problem with the new Superman movie is just the guy they cast as Superman. He's totally not Superman, not even a little. He reminded me of Evan Sult, who is a great person and a dear friend, but ain't no Superman. Also, Kate Bosworth is a total zero, Parker Posey has nothing to do, and Kevin Spacey, well... He just can't be trusted. I love Bryan Singer and was really on board with a lot of the choices he made, but this one got away from him. The X-Men films were great because the blatant gay subtext is pret a porter from the comics. You can't really make the same leap—and Singer plainly tries—when the "mutation" is that you're omnipotent. Then, as though sensing the queer allegory won't fly (HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA), Singer switches metaphorses midstream and goes for some Jesus juice. That doesn't stick either. Superman is more or less allegory proof as a superhero. No flaws=no drama. I know it doesn't matter. It's just that the Richard Donner Superman and the Richard Lester Superman 2 (more to the point) have aged so well, it seems perverse to remake them so soon. Christopher Reeve has never been more impressive than when he was so conspicuously absent from the new movie. The new guy did a fair CR impression, but that doesn't make you Superman.

I'm sorry... are we still talking about this? I'm gonna go see A Scanner Darkly.

In the immortal words of John Roderick: NEEEEERRRRRDDDS!